Judging Your Emotions Is Creating Unnecessary Suffering
As many Covid restrictions are reinstated in our state, I was inclined to address the emotions we are feeling after the "normal" activities we'd been able to resume have once again come to a pause.
I had gone back to my pole dancing class a few months ago, and the studio is now closed. I am sad about this.
Many of you are rolling your eyes. Not being able to dance does not even come close to the hardships people are going through in this country, right? Yet, I'm willing to bet there is something in your life that may seem insignificant to others but important enough for you to experience sadness and even some level of grief.
The truth is that nobody is to judge you or me for how we are feeling.
The bigger problem lies when we judge ourselves, and we package the sadness in a layer of guilt.
I should not feel sad (others are suffering more than me)
I should not complain (I am already so blessed)
I should not think this is hard (I have it easier than others)
We "should" ourselves to no end, and we do not hold the space for our real emotions and what is causing them. The guilt sets in, and we end up experiencing life with much-added pain—unnecessary suffering.
What if we should feel sad, complain, and think it is hard? Do you know why we should? Because we are! When we tell ourselves that we shouldn't, all we are doing is arguing with reality! And guess what? This is a battle you are not going to win. Ever.
I am not saying that you should always go about life this way. I am saying that once you are in it, sadness is vibrating in your body, you are complaining, and you have thoughts of hardships, you ought to embrace it all.
We think that judging ourselves is our weapon to beat these emotions and behaviors out of our beings, but it doesn't work that way. The opposite is true. Only when you are open to the sadness, you can process it and understand it. Only when you are curious about the complaining and your thoughts, you become aware.
Judging ourselves keeps us stuck in a river of misery, but curiosity, compassion, and love for ourselves keep us flowing, moving forward, and growing in self-consciousness.
So yes, It is okay for me to feel sad about missing pole class. I love dancing. I process my emotions through my dancing, and I express myself and live in my feminine essence when I dance. This is MY life experience. There are no two life experiences alike. My pain is not your pain, and your pain is not mine.
Pain is simply an emotion, and it does not discriminate. Our thoughts create emotional pain. The rich and the poor have a brain, and they will each have thoughts that cause them to suffer. Men and women's brains offer them different thoughts, yet they can cause the same vibrations of pain in their bodies. Different life experiences trigger these thoughts. Nobody is to judge yours or mine, and that nobody includes YOURSELF.
So how do you become curious instead of judgemental about your current state?
You can always start by asking yourself questions that will reveal your current experience back to a thought.
For example, if you are complaining, you may ask yourself, What is the feeling that is fueling the complaining? Is it frustration? Disappointment? If complaining is ultimately creating a more painful experience, you can always process the frustration and the disappointment instead of reacting to it. You can then ask yourself why you feel this way, and your answer will be the thought that can lead you to the root cause of your suffering.
If you notice that you think the thought "this is hard," you may ask yourself, "What is the problem with things being hard?" This question could be very revealing. When I think that something is hard and I get curious in my self-coaching, it will often lead me on two different paths. One path proves that it is not so hard after all, and another where I can confirm that it is hard and I can do hard things.
Curiosity puts the power back in your hands while judgment takes it away and amplifies the suffering.
So I want you to remember that things should be as they are. It doesn't mean that you must like it. It means that your experience has already materialized in the world, and there is no point in arguing against it.
If we have already experienced the circumstances outside of us, the thoughts, emotions, actions, and results in our lives, let's not judge them. Let's embrace them and become curious, so instead of remaining stuck, we may find our way forward.
If you want to chat about your own experience and question it with compassion and love, I'm here for you. Just click this link to schedule a free mini session. In the meantime, don't hesitate to feel all the feelings. There is nothing wrong with that, my friend.
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